Slapping Bears & Ponies In The Mt. Rogers NRA

Well, I know everyone has been on the edge of their seats for my blog on my trip to Mount Rogers NRA (National Recreation Area). 

There have been technical difficulties the last few days. The Lummox didn't want me to tell you how I carried him on this trip, how I ran off a bear and whooped a "stallion" pony! I also did what a Hiking Machine does...CRUSH TRAIL! Any time I get to hike and camp is a good time. The only bad thing...the Lummox wussed out and cut the trip short because of rain. What a pansy! Well, I need to get ready for this weekend at High Knob, so I'm out...BITCHES!

HELL YEAH...Day Two Crushing LeConte!

It was day two of the Hiking Machine on Mt. LeConte. It was flattering with all the adulation that I received at LeConte Lodge. I mean I am THE Hiking Machine! As for the Lummox...he was just like wallpaper...LOL! 

After leaving the Lodge I crushed trail all the way down the Alum Caves Trail to Newfound Gap Road. I know I created memories everyone at the Lodge will remember. Oh, the probably forgot the Lummox or never noticed. Well, I'm out...BITCHES!

Day One At LeConte...HELL YEAH!

Hell yeah Daddy! I'm up at LeConte Lodge 6,000 feet up! We hiked up here because I was competed a night's stay because they wanted a Hiking Machine rub! While I was the guest of honor the Lummox had to pay for his stay (double the normal rate). I carried 200+ pounds of dead weight five miles. Now, I'm just relaxing in my rocking car at my cabin...nice! Well, there will be more tomorrow, but for now I'm out...BITCHES!

I Still Had To Deal With The Lummox...But It Was The Roans!

I know all of my Peteoholics have been jonesing for a fix from their favorite Hiking Machine, and I aim to please. This week, I kicked the Lummox in the nuts and told him after he recovered from the fetal position we were going out. But it wasn't just anywhere it was THE ROANS...HELL YEAH! We were originally going to the Humps, but the Lummox wussed out. Luckily, he suggested the Roans, or he would have had his balls busted again! 

Well, I wanted to go on to Grassy Ridge (Bald), but the Lummox was tired and hot, so we stopped...what a melvin! The only reason I stopped was because the Lummox promised we would go to Grassy Ridge the next day. We did, but not as I planned. See, he woke up complaining that his shoulder hurt because his sleeping pad had deflated. What a pansy, I sleep cowboy-style every time out! So, he didn't want to spend another night out. Well, I held him to the promise of going to Grassy Ridge with the threat of blue balls! While I only got one night on the Roans, it was better than none. Well, with that I have three words for you...I'm out BITCHES!

Hiking Machine, Trail Work Leader, Campground Enforcer...All Down The Rabbit Hole!

Finally! The Hiking Machine got to do the two things I love most...Hiking and camping! On Tuesday, we camped at Horse Creek Campground. While I would rather be out backpacking into the bush, I had to rendezvous with the Forest Service because I led a team to fix the privy at Pete's (Jerry Cabin) Shelter. But first, I got to camp at an excellent campground. 

After a beautiful night in my rocking tent, I woke up with the Lummox passing himself. Some bald jabroni with no shirt came wandering in. While the Lummox coward was in his tent, I gave the guy a drink of water and then gave him the Hiking Machine stare, and he said thank and vamoosed!

The next day, I rode up to the AT (Appalachian Trail) with Taylor from the Forest Service, and yes, we brought the Lummox...he's about as useful as a football bat. I got that board on the privy fixed and battled a Black Widow Spider to boot...now can I get a HELL YEAH! Well, with that, you know where this is going, I'm out...BITCHES!

The Hiking Machine Honored By The CMC (But Not The Lummox)...

 

Hi all my Peteoholics, on Sunday I was in Asheville with my people...the Carolina Mountain Club (CMC) members for the 100th Anniversary. Yeah, I know plenty of people were in awe of the Hiking Machine, but the day wasn't about me. It was great to talk shop with Paul and others. Oh yeah, the Lummox came along which was a little embarrassing because a lot of people in the club had seen how big a baby he is. Someone asked, "Why do you call him the Lummox?" I replied that is the best thing I can refer to him in public. I was also presented an award for 50 Hours of work on my section of the AT (Appalachian Trail) too bad they didn't have one for the Lummox. Crying at the shelter doesn't constitute work. 

Also, while I did a hike the Lummox looked at flowers, checked out perfume he needs, and hung out with another wuss, Woody's Owl! It was a great day with trail people who were close to my level, unlike you know who. Well with that I'm done, so I big I'm out...BITCHES!

Another Trip As Crew Leader To My AT Section

HELL YEAH! I'm back and all my Peteoholics can rejoice as I have more trail knowledge to my loyal followers. I was back on the AT (Appalachian Trail) directing more trail maintenance. I wear so many hats the Hiking Machine just added a new one Crew Leader. Heading up for trail maintenance I know it will be a long day. Besides the gear and weed eater, which was heavier than the last time I had an additional 200 pounds of winning, crying wuss! Yes, I'm describing the Lummox and that brings me to the other guy in our crew...Dennis. He is the opposite of the Lummox, he can hike like a machine (but not THE Machine) and had a cool weed eater, better than that electric one I had to carry for the Lummox. It ended up to me to help Dennis cut down the weeds on the trail and around the shelter. 

A Course I did weeding old school rabbit style. Once finished I had to listen to the Lummox whine about being tired and thirsty on the way back. I told him if he was as thirsty as he said, just be a man (because he can't be a Hiking Machine Rabbit) and drink from one of the many puddles on the way back. But, "I might get sick" is what the Kummox said. Well, s**t then stop complaining about being thirsty, it's enough to drive one psycho, crazy, or both!. Anyway, with that I am signing off which means I'm out...BITCHES!

Any Excuse Is A Good One To Hike The Roans

Hello, my Peteoholics and I were out doing what the Hiking Machine does...crushing trail!

I'm going to surprise everyone when I say I was happy that the Lummox wanted to see some flowers. That's because this pansy pursuit got me on the AT (Appalachian Trail) in the Roans. I first had to do some hiking on the trail rated W (for wuss) around the Rhododendron Gardens. But, I did get a good laugh as those flowers he wanted to see weren't close to peak (bloom)...now that is good sh*t! 

I missed the thrill of hiking here in winter. It was more demanding and a lot fewer humans! 

Once that was out of the way, it was on to the AT up Round Bald. He got to see some flowers, and I got to go PYSCHO PETE SMASH trail! We only went as far as Jane Bald, and while I wanted to head on for camping on Grassy Ridge Bald, not the Lummox. No, he wanted to camp at the state park campground...what a wuss! Still, it wasn't all bad.

On Friday, the Lummox wanted to do what he thought was an easy half-mile loop on the Peg Leg Mine Trail. Well, it was a real trail with a loop about a mile longer. Good for the Hiking Machine, bad for the Lummox...that's more, good sh*t. With that, I have one more thing to say, I'm out...BITCHES!

AT Maintainer Just Another Job For The Hiking Machine!

Alright, Peteoholics and welcome to another edition of Down the Rabbit Hole as I chronicle how I whupp tail and crush trail!
This time, I was up on the AT (Appalachian Trail) on a part of the Lummox calls "his section " he takes care of for the CMC (Carolina Mountain Club). While he claims that the Peteoholics know it is the Hiking Machine, that is really the brains and brawn of the operation. Seriously, does anyone think the Lummox could care tools and a weedeater two miles up the Round Knob Road Trail...LOL! No, that would be me Psycho Pete because being crazy just isn't enough with the Lummox! His puny weedeater didn't cut it, so I ate a trail to the shelter. I mean, I don't need weeds cut down because I can hike through anything (that's why I'm the Hiking Machine). 

Once at shelter (Jerry Cabin), I laughed as the Lummox attempted to rake the sh**ter (privy). As soon as the smell and flies hit him, he turned green as leaves and left with projectial vomiting I took over. Let's be honest, raking the sh**ter is Hiking Machine work. Well, it didn't make the trip back any harder as I'm always carrying the Lummox. Well, my Peteoholics with that I'm out...BITCHES!

Attention Bears! I Was Back Whuppin Tail & Crushing Trail

Hello my Peteaholics your Hiking Machine here and I just returned to a crazy overnight at Elkmont Campground. By crazy I mean I went "Crazy Pete" on a bear that terrorized the campers in my section of Elkmont. See when I got there it seemed a lot of uneasy in the H-Section of the campground. We were setting up camp and the host recognized me. It turns out he was a Peteaholic so he was glad I was there and gave me the lowdown on bear issues at the campground. The (US) Park Service was setting up a giant bear trap across from our campsite. While the Lummox got his panties in a twist I was fine. I talked with the Forest Service boys and told them to just shut the cage, I got this. The Campground Host told them who I was and they closed it. 

To calm down the panicking Lummox I agreed to go and look at some stupid bugs (fireflies), but I had that bear on my mind. When we got back at least two groups, a girl across from us and an older couple, fled from fears of the bear. That couple left their tent and stuff! Well, the Lummox sat in terror and wanted to leave too, but I would have none of it. After I slapped some sense into the wuss and changed his diaper I then hunkered down in my tent. Well, during the night that damn bear was dumb enough to come into our camp. I charged out of my tent and opened a big can of whup-ass on that bear. He was a big boy, maybe 300 pounds, but he was no match for the Hiking Machine. Let's say I stomped a mudhole in him and walked it dry...don't mess with Crazy Pete! 

Well, the next morning the Lummox crawled out of his tent to see where the beating took place. With no bear, I ate my carrots and we headed for a day of hiking to Cataract Falls and Fighting Creek Trail, and John Ownby Cabin. While it wasn't crushing miles I was a little spent opening that can for the bear and all. Well, with that I'm out...and I made that bear my BITCH! 

Hiking Machine Nirvana AT Trail Day '23

HELL YEAH! The Hiking Machine returned to the mecca for an AT (Appalachian Trail) blazer like myself...Trail Days 2023!

If crushing trail is your life, like .e, this is the only place to be. This is my third trip with the first two being in 2016 & '17 so this was six years too long making my return. I tried to get the Lummox back the following two years, but he is a great excuse maker. He is the reason I'm Crazy Pete! Anyway, in 2020 it was canceled because of the 'RONA (COVID) the next two years were because the Lummox is such a pansy! It's no wonder I'm Crazy Pete after spending all these years carrying this wuss around.

But, this year I wasn't taking no for an answer so Damascus, VA was our destination. While I wanted to camp there so I could invite thru-hikers to sir at the Hiking Machine's learning tree he was just up for the day. But what a day it was...booths, gear, and plenty of other hikers, none in my league, but cool all the same. Some tried to enlist me for the Hiker Parade, but then they saw the Lummox and knew the burden I carry. Anyway, to all of those admirers just send your emails and cards however you want to I appreciate all of my adoring Peteaholics. Well, with that, I'm out...BITCHES!

Camping, The AT...Now That Is A Way To Spend Two Days

Ahoy, All My Peteaholics, the Hiking Machine here is too tall for some camping with a side of AT (Appalachian Trail) Hiking.

First, me and the Lummox did go to Buffalo Mountain on Thursday, but he was only interested in wildflowers instead of crushing trail. I was living by my name, Crazy Pete, going insane waiting to get to Rocky Fork (State Park) to get to our campsite. Now, the Lummox picked the wussy option of Flint Creek, but it is a backcountry site, so beggars can't be choosers.

Well, his plan on Friday was to hike up Whitehouse Cliffs Trail to look for more wildflowers,  but I said, "Not a chance." it's only the AT for me. We compromised on Cliff Ridge. He got some wildflowers, and I got to "CRAZY PETE SMASH THE AT! Well, we have come the time you all dread, I'm out...BITCHES!

Crazy Pete Going Back-To-Back On The Trail

Peteaholics, your prayers have been answered as the Hiking Machine is HERE! While the trails this weekend weren't much of a challenge for a hiker of my caliber, I did get to go back-to-back with hikes Saturday and Sunday. First Saturday, I might be Crazy Pete, but I wasn't crazy about a hike where most people on the trail could lace my boots...including the Lummox. While I did get to hike to Natural Tunnel in the State Park it was embarrassing seeing everyone ride the chairlift back to the parking lot while I crushed the trail. Because I didn't even break a sweat I told the Lummox we are hiking Sunday. 

As for Sunday the Lummox wanted to do a wildflower hike to see if some lady slippers are something. Well, this sounds about right for the Lummox. So, we went over to my second favorite trailhead Horse Creek (numero uno Hogpen Gap). Now I thought I was going to my falls (Pete's Branch), but the Lummox and party were just like those flower lady slippers. Well, as I like to say, "Any day on the trail is better than any day that's not!" Well, Crazy Pete singing off with this, I'm out...BITCHES!

Whether On The AT Or Sawing Logs, It's Hard Being A Legend!

Oh yeah! Crazy Pete, the Hiking Machine, here and I have a week's worth of adventures to share with all my Peteoholics. 

On Monday, I started my week by carrying the Lummox up to my section of the AT for maintenance. Yes, his name is on the website, but the CMC (Carolina Mountain Club) didn't want my name on it because I'm an AT (Appalachian Trail) celebrity! So, I hiked up, carrying the Lummox and tools to camp at Jerry Cabin Shelter. We had planned to tent, but when the thru-hikers discovered they had an AT Legend in their midst, they insisted I take a spot in the shelter. That night at the campfire, I kept them riveted by the stories of the Hiking Machine crushing trail! 

On my way carrying the Lummox

Firecircle led by the Hiking Machine

The next morning, after some more embarrassing fawning from the awestruck thru-hikers, it was on to walking my section and doing work. Once we reached Big Butt we had covered the three miles. Then, it was back to Jerry Cabin to collect the trash and head back. But, another thru-hiker recognized me...it is hard being an AT Legend!

Next moring my Peteoholics made me a fire & breakfast

Fixing this sign was just some of the work I did

Then, on the second part of the week, we were getting our USFS Chainsaw Training. I did need the Thursday classroom session, I let the Lummox handle that. Then, on Friday, it was time for field training. While the Lummox was a dismal failure, I was asked by my instructor, Chris, to come in and teach a future class. What can I say? I can smash trail and stack logs! Well, that's it because you deserve no more. With that, you know what's next, I'm out...BITCHES!

They wanted me to teach by the end of the day

Only Cabin Blog Needed Courtesy Of The Hiking Machine

Well, Peteoholics I'm back and it was a trip to the Cabin in Southwest Virginia. When I'm on the trail here it is mostly a training session for the Hiking Machine. First off, I didn't think we would make it because "Big Red" barely got us to Fort (Blackmore). It didn't matter as there was no hiking on Wednesday because the Lummox was struggling to get that piece of s**t lawnmower going. Well, that changed 

Thursday morning as it was time to hit the trail. Yes, it was 4/20 and I get my high smoking trail. Some have referred to me as Crazy Pete and that is what I become when I'm not let loose to crush trail like a crazed creature! While I wanted to go up my knob the nob that's the Lummox wanted to look for (morel) mushrooms. Like a Bigfoot or alligator, the Lummox saw the same thing...NONE! You know he would want to send up the drone. Well if it gets me on the trail I don't really care. We did see some wildflowers, including Bear Corn, but the Bruins themselves didn't show. I would have body checked them off the knob! 

On Friday, we did a mile going down to catch a ride back to St. Clair. I made the Lummox take a detour. He whined quite a bit until he spotted some wildflowers. I got in another mile which is better than no miles at all. Well, with that, you know what's next, I'm out...BITCHES!